


Godly Slumber Party

by Magical_Awesome_Kid



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Also dad helps where he can, Gen, Kids need each other, Post-Canon, kids being kids, sleepover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 06:01:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13311990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magical_Awesome_Kid/pseuds/Magical_Awesome_Kid
Summary: The kids realize that they are having issues, and the best way to sort them out is having a session of gossip, throwing soft shit around, painting claws/nails, and other general fuckery that occurs when you put John and Jane together. AKA, it’s slumber party night!





	Godly Slumber Party

**Author's Note:**

> I have been rewatching the end videos for Homestuck and you cannot tell me these kids don't need time to be kids.

            Jacob Egbert-Crocker would say that he had a normal upbringing. Sure, his father was a comedian genius and his grandmother had a massive baking empire, but he had an otherwise normal childhood living in a suburban home, going to school, having friends and all that jazz. As an adult, he’d gotten a degree in the budding field of computer analytics, and his day job had paid well enough to support himself and, eventually, his adoptive daughter. Really, he had found that life was pretty swell.

            That is, until his daughter and her friends got sucked into a game of universal proportions, he began to have dreams of another universe where he had a son that looked strangely like his own father, and was locked in a dream prison for who knows how long until he saw his daughter and her friends in some sort of PJs kicking queen alien ass. It was only when his dream mother (who turned out to be an alternate universe mother of his) took him up with the kids and they entered a new world did he get the full story.

            After that, he’d sort of adopted them all, even as they were all old enough to care for themselves and certainly had the life experience to. Hell, they were named rullers of kingdoms after all! But still, even with only Jane under his roof and John living down the street, with all the kids spread over the world, he kept his door open whenever one or more needed to talk to an “actual” adult, one who at least sort of kind of got it.

            Tonight, though, was a different story.

            He grinned as the doorbell rang. “I got it.” He said as he wiped his hands on a towel. He was in the kitchen with Jane and John, a batch of cookies in one oven and pizzas in another (he’d gotten two because he had a queen of baking under his roof – and fighting for oven space with a literal god was a no go, even if he could still ground her). “Make sure to get the cookies out soon.”

            “Got it, dad!” Both replied as he exited the kitchen. He peaked into the living room as he went, spotting two light-haired boys with shades, a dark head of hair with glasses, and a girl with dog ears fighting to the death on a game of Mario Carts. On the couch behind them, a teenage troll, of all things, was screaming profanities at the other racers while cheering on his boyfriend while another troll – this one a girl – was sipping on a soda.

            “Keep the swearing down, please! I don’t want the neighbors calling again.” Jacob urged as the teens looked around.

            “For the love of fu- oh, shit, pops.” Karkat threw as he looked back, trying to decide to follow the rules or not. Just as he did, though, Jade executed an impossible combo (for anyone that wasn’t a space witch) and threw Dave off of rainbow road, securing first place.

            “Dude, Jade, that HURT! You fucking MURDERED me!” Dave groaned as he came in last amongst his friends. He threw his head back, landing in Karkat’s crossed legs from where the troll perched on the couch, the racers on the floor. “I think this may be it. I’m fucking dead.”

            “Gadzooks she’s ferocious.” Jake added as he slid in third. “Nearly drove me off the road!”

            “You’re a god, and, while that death was surely just, I think you’ll live.”  Dirk joked as he nudged his pseudo-brother. “Stop getting your panties in a knot, yo.”

            “Wigglers, all of you.” Terezi threw not even looking at the lot.

            Jacob chuckled as he left, the yelling continuing but a little quieter. The trolls had easily been convinced to call him “dad” or “pops,” not ever really having any context to it. The other kids had been harder, but now pretty much all of them called him something akin to “father.”

            It made him smile every time.

            Getting the door, he found the last four to join his group – as far as he knew, anyway. Vriska tended to drop in and out of existence like Roxy could make pumpkins. Speaking of, she, Calliope, Rose, and Kanaya were outside, all with duffels or backpacks. The motley crew of teenagers grinned up at the man, who still towered over them all. “Hey, Mr. Crocker, the party has arrived!” Roxy grinned as she locked arms with Calliope. The cherub, as he’d been informed, had never had a sleepover, so it was a first for her. The trolls, at least, had been exposed to this part of human culture during the travel to this dimension, apparently.

            “Hey Roxy, kids. You know you can call me dad, right?” He asked the girl.

            “Old habits and all that.” She shrugged just as a yelling match broke out in the living room.

            Rose looked over before looking to the man. “Mario cart?”

            “In my defense, Jake and John double teamed me with puppy eyes.” He returned.

            Kanaya shook her head. “Time to play moderator.” She said before kissing Rose on the cheek. They’d been married a few months now, and Jacob had been lucky enough to get an invite to the wedding. It was beautiful sans the whole “god tier kids get high on alien sugar” thing (ok, even that was a little funny).

            He moved to the side to let the girls come in. Calliope smiled as she entered, taking her shoes off without reminder and passing him a bright smile. “Thanks for having us!” She added before scampering off to join the other kids in the living room. Just as she did, John and Jane emerged from the kitchen, trays stacked high with treats and snacks and pizza rolls. Entering the living room, there was screams of excitement, demands for food, and general “if you poison me I’ll kill you it’ll be a Just death.”

            Jacob closed the door, locking it even though he felt that he was locking himself IN with the chaos rather than locking it out. After all, he was enabling several teenage gods with sugar, and only havoc could come from it.

            Then again, it was a sleepover, and who was he to deny these kids the simple pleasures after the fuckery they’d been through? 

* * *

 

            The idea for a sleepover had begun a few weeks before. Being gods and rulers was turning out to be a lot of work, a LOT, and, while the kids could handle it, they were still kids. Jane was previously a high school student, her friends isolated in the future/on islands, her ecto-whatever kids and their friends were from an alternate timeline where they’d previously only been in middle school, and the trolls and cherub… yeah, there was a lot for kids who had never had this level of chaos in their lives. Above all, there were many more days where depression and anxiety would hit, where PTSD would rear its ugly head, where the bitterness at being child soldiers and lost worlds came to a head. Rose was the closest thing any of them had to a psychologist, and that was a lot to put on someone who was in the same situation.

            They were all tired. Even in this new world where they would be treated as gods, it still became a lot many times. They just needed to be kids, after all.

            So, at seventeen, they’d begun to hatch the crazy idea of a sleepover to just take one night off. For one evening, the kids would leave the kingdoms to the other governmental leaders. Unless a meteor was hurtling down at them (and, shit, they did not want to think of ramifications of that) or the world was ending (see meteor thing), then they were to be left alone. John and Karkat had gotten all the movies together from the old world that had not been remade in the new one, and they’d also brought several of their favorites from Earth C culture. Kanaya, Roxy, Rose, and Calliope had games of the non-death non-video game type from all their worlds (with the rule that no one was to get injured from them – so FLARP was out), and the Striders had provided video games. Terezi kind of just showed up, and Jane was always going to provide treats (she’d roped John in with the promise of no cakes). The question left was where to host.

            That was how Jacob had found them, arguing over a chat client about where to host. He’d just happened to pass by while John was over with Jade, and he’d heard the conversation.

            “You guys can have it here if you want.” He’d noted before really thinking. He hadn't hosted a sleepover, come to think of it, since Janey was very little. In middle and high school, she’d drifted more towards her digital friends as her other friends just “didn’t seem to get her” or “were really mean.” School kids could be very mean, after all, and it was never fair to Janey because they shouldn’t be.

            So Jade and John had stared at him, tried to talk him out of it, but then he’d just leaned over the computer to tell the kids to get their butts to the Crocker residence by 8 the next Friday, and that if anything was broken he’d ground them. The trolls and cherub had taken him too seriously (and even Roxy and Dirk were unfamiliar with grounding outside of actually pulverizing something), but after explaining what it was, Jane had taken over and that was the end of that.

            As it came to pass, it was going to be a godly sleepover for the bunch of sixteen- and seventeen- (Earth) year-olds present. 

* * *

 

            “FUCK YOU EGBERT!” Dirk said as he threw the controller at John, who dissolved into laughter and air at the win on the latest round of Mario Cart. The living room had been expanded thanks to Jade’s space powers, so it was easily large enough to comfortably host all of them. One wall was covered in stacks of bags they’d all brought, and all were in their chosen pajamas for the night. Dave had tried to be a smart ass and bring his godtier cloths as his “PJs,” but then Kanaya had shown up and made him actual PJs with fabric from her Stylldex because “no” (she refused to elaborate further and only glared at her brother-in-law until he’d gone to change). She was a saint of preparedness. On the couch, Kanaya had snuggled up next to Rose with Karkat to her side (in case she needed to break up a fight) whom had Dave half on his lap and half on the floor. Next to them was Terezi, who was being an ass and stretching out to take up half the couch herself. On the loveseat off to the side, Calliope and Roxy were sharing some popcorn at the gaming while the floor contained Jake, Dirk, Jade, John, and whatever parts of Dave weren’t clinging to Karkat.

            “Ok, I think everyone has been shoved off Rainbow Road enough.” Roxy cut in as she turned to the gang. “Let’s change things up, shall we?”

            “What are you thinking, Roxy?” Jane asked as John reformed. Jane was silently gracious that her friend had stepped in because, honestly, Mario Carts and god powers were going to end up breaking something.

            Calliope giggled as she raised her hand. “I have an idea!” She proposed.

            Dirk gulped. “It’s not going to involve a certain Juju, is it?”

            The cherub sighed at the mention of her Juju. “No… Roxy made me leave it at home, but I could go get…”

            “No, I think pops would like the house in one piece.” Terezi pointed out.

            “BUT! I did bring something else!” She scampered off the back of the chair to her bag, a large grey backpack covered in all sorts of colorful pins. She riffled around in there for a few minutes before returning with a small lock box that was glittery and green. “Roxy and I do our nails a lot when we have time, and I figured it would be fun to do it with others, too!”

            “YASSSS!” Jane jumped forward. “You gonna do nail art? Guys, Callie has the BEST art!”

            “I can try!” She giggled happily. “We also have the special brand for trolls that you can lick, and it tastes like fruit!”

            “Dude, hit me up with that blue beat.” Terezi threw out her hands, claws ready for pampering.

            Jake scratched the side of his head. “I mean, it sounds kinda like a gal thing, right?”

            “What?” Karkat threw as he was already leaning over to look at the colors. “This is a painting of war colors!”

            “Nah, this is just pampering.” Roxy threw as she got out her choice of pink. “I’m going with bubblegum. Oh! Wait, I have the hand massager, too!” She threw as she flew to her bag.

            The boys, minus Karkat who’d already gone to get his color looked at each other. Dave was the first to move, following his boyfriend. “Yo what shades of red you got?”

            “I mean, nothing’s more iconic than shooting the painted middle finger at the patriarchy.” Dirk shrugged as he got up as well.

            “I WANT BLUE!” John yelled as he dove for the paints, getting Karkat yelling because he had been TRYING to plan the perfect color arrangemet for his battle designs when a certain annoying human had KNOCKED OVER THE LINED UP COLORS!!!

            At this point Jake just shook his head and joined them. He’d always wanted to try what all his Blue Beauties seemed to love looking at from their places in the nail salon stories.

            Soon enough those who had some level of skill rose to the challenge to help the pitiful humans and trolls who had never used a brush before. Dave was surprisingly astute with a brush, so he got Karkat to let him do his nails (in the weird-ass color pattern that the troll insisted on – but even then, Dave drew a little heart on his pinky claw, and Karkat was blushing too hard to yell TOO much). Otherwise, it was mostly the girls – minus Terezi who couldn’t see and would need to lick everyone’s hands to get a good idea for painting – who took the lead in painting. Dave had also been using his time powers to speed up the drying of everyone’s nails because, as Roxy had said, “it’s a fucking nightmare sess when these babies get ruined.” Of course, no pampering session was good without gossip.

            “…and that was how I set his ass straight. He is now in fear of his life.” Rose finished as she was busy painting Jade’s toes, the girl looking in awe and fear.

            “Dang, girl, brutal. I mean, I’d tear him a new one, too, for saying that.” Jade nodded.

            “PREACH!” John threw from across the room.

            “HOW does that apply to you?” Terezi crocked an eyebrow at the boy.

            “Because I am a true ally to the furry people of this nation, unlike SOME trolls I know.” John glared at her.

            “Ah, the sweet scent of kismesis.”

            “Shut up Karkat.” John shot at the other troll. “Or else Kanaya becomes my new favorite troll.”

            “Oh, the AGONY of EGBERTS disapproval! I think I’m going to take it and shove it where the sun don’t shine!” Karkat threw back.

            “So when is the new line coming out, Kanaya?” Calliope asked as she added the last coat of clear to her nails. Because of the odd texture of Cherub nails – something half way between claws and human nails – she had to add extra layers to get the really smooth texture she loved when her nails were done right.

            Kanaya gave a toothy grin in return. “Trying to get a sneak peak on the line?”

            “I mean…” Roxy threw. “We kinda bought all the clothes last time and want more now. Most of the chess people are just all over your designs, dude.”

            “Just no black suits for the chess people.” Dirk threw at the troll lady. “If I see one Jack look-alike, I will get a sword.”

            Roxy waved her hand as a pillow dropped onto Dirk’s head from nowhere. “If you decapitate one of my people I WILL dye your hair orange. Don’t test me, Dirkland.” Laughter broke out across the room.

            “Is your name seriously Dirkland?” John asked, laughing.

            “Fuck no.” The “future” boy threw as he glared at Roxy. “That’s just some bullshit name Rox came up with when we were, like, five.”

            “I didn’t get on the chat until I was ten.”

            “Time is an illusion.”

            “Can attest.” Dave grinned from his side of the room.

            John was still snickering. “Dirkland.”

            Dirk turned and tossed the closest thing to him at John. Usually, that was a knife, but this time it was the pillow that Roxy had just pulled from the Void. John, in turn, deflected with a bit of wind, but then his aim had been off. He’d hit Dave dead on in the face, who had been so focused on nails and time-drying that he’d missed the incoming.

            Everyone stared as the pillow slid down, revealing an askew pair of sunglasses, one surprised red eye, and a thin pair of lips. He looked at John, who giggled in response. Then, being all dramatic, he flopped back. “I’m fucking dead avenge me Karkat.”

            Karkat turned, eyes narrowing as he grabbed the pillow. “Breeze boy is mine.” With that, he’d grabbed the pillow and swung with a battle cry. “NOBODY HARMS MY MATESPRIT!”

            John took a face of pillow, which burst into feathers on contact. John’s glasses were now equally messed up as he sniffed a feather. “Ahh…” John began.

            “Shit! HIT THE DECK!” Rose yelled as her vision came to her. She pulled Kanaya down behind the couch with her.

            “AHHH… CHOOO!” The Heir of Breathe sneezed, sending out a huge gust that whipped up all the feathers. Karkat, the closest, was thrown back into the prone Dave, who had leapt up just in time to take the troll. Everyone else ground themselves as the sneeze passed. When it did, the boy looked up with a goofy grin. “Oh my gods that was awesome!!!” He cheered, getting another pillow to the face.

            “NO MORE FEATHERS I can’t revive a broken vase, guys!” Jane threw at her friends and family.

            “I can though!” Jade grinned before she, too, was hit by a pillow. “RUDE!”

            Roxy just kept laughing as pillows began falling from the ceiling. “PILLOW FIGHT!” She grabbed a pillow and shoved it at Calliope. “LET’S SHOW EM, GIRL!”

            “DEATH TO THE WEAKLINGS!” Terezi threw her cane to the side and grabbed two pillows. “COME AT ME!”

            “Guys, I don’t want anything…” Jane began before she saw a pillow hit a vase, but it glowed dark blue and bounced away.

            “I GOT CHA BABE!” Roxy added with a wave. “ADDED A FORCE FIELD!”

            Karkat grabbed a fuck ton of pillows and began to throw them at the exposed Roxy. “DIE VOIDY BITCH!”

            “THAT IS VOIDY GODDESS BITCH TO YOU!” She yelled back as she got hit and fell off the sofa seat.

            Jade grabbed Jane and pulled her behind the couch. Grinning, the dog girl’s hands glowed, teleporting several pillows to them. “We must dethrone the pillow fight king.” She whispered conspiritally as she grabbed three pillows. “On three, we aim for Strider.”

            “Which one?”

            “Yes.”

            Jane laughed as she grabbed three as well. “GO GO GO DIE ROBOT BOY!”

            “DIE CAW MAN!”

            Pillows went everywhere, and, as one would burst of fluff (Roxy didn’t want a repeat of the sneeze), it would disappear back into the void for another fresh one to fall in its place. Dave and Dirk were pulling some serious shit to avoid getting hit while Karkat, Jake, and John teamed up to just barrel into everyone. Calliope and Roxy had claimed the “kingdom of endless pillows” at the loveseat while Roes and Kanaya joined Team Couch in trying to kill of the Striders. Terezi was just a rogue agent everywhere and nowhere at once.

            A knock broke up the fighting as the teens turned to see Mr. Crocker at their door, a smile on his face and striped PJs on his body. “I just wanted to let you kids know that I’m going to bed. I expect the house to NOT be burned down and destroyed in the morning, you got me? If you need me, I’m at the top of the stairs, ok?” He then seemed to account for the mess. “Ok, we did not have his many pillows an hour ago.”

            The teens looked at each other before beginning to laugh, most falling into the mountains of pillows that had been conjured as they wheezed for air (even if they didn’t need it). After Jane collected herself enough to assure her dad that, yes, they weren’t going to blow up the house, the man went off to bed while the teens rolled on the floor of pillows.

            “Mmm… so soft…” Jake muttered into a pillow as he curled up on his side, his back pushing into Dirk’s side as the other boy was laying wide out on a patch of pillows.

            “ ‘s like floating in the ocean.” Dirk agreed, glasses gone into his Stylldex during the game because he didn’t want them broken (Dave had done the same). His orange-red eyes were drifting closed and open without worry of judgement (because honestly they had seen weirder than mutant eye color) or pain from sun (his eyes were sensitive to that shit, yo). “Rox you rocked this mess.”

            Roxy was currently buried beside John, Calliope flopped across them both with little care. That cherub girl loved cuddles, after all. “All in a day’s work, boi.” She muttered.

            Jade popped up from a pile of pillows to look around. “Dudes, do you want to do movies next?” “Movies” seemed to be the magic word as Karkat and John shot up, gaining an annoyed groan from the Strider who had been using the troll as a pillow and the Cherub who’s perfect spot had been ruined when a pillow flew into her face.

            “Guys, I have the _Ghostbusters,_ and we should…”

            “If we don’t watch _T_ _he_ _Frog Who Was a Troll_ RIGHT NOW…”

            “NO WAY NO ROMCOMS WE GO ACTION OR WE DIE LIKE MEN!”

            “WELL I’M NO HUMAN MAN I AM A MALE TROLL YOU HEATHEN!”

            Thus, dozens of films dumped out from the two teen’s Stylldexes as they debated the pros and cons of each film. Everyone else got to rearranging the pillows and furniture for sleep later. Initially the plan was to pull out sleeping bags, but it seemed like a waste to just zap these oh-so-wonderful pillows away just to sleep on the hard floor with bags. Therefore, they’d instead gotten all the blankets (and made or de-voided a few more, in the case of Kanaya and Roxy) in order to make a nest.

            Kanaya was the first to flop in. “Oh stars this is better than any recuperacoon.” She eyed her wife, who was standing over her in her gothic-print shirt and skull pants with a smile. “But I do know one way to make it better.” She rolled over to offer open arms.

            Rose happily rolled in. “Happy to oblige, my sweet.” Kanaya snuggled in close and kissed her wife's forehead.

            “Bleh, get a ROOM!” Karkat threw as he totally WASN’T grossly snuggling into Dave’s chest as the red-decked guy leaned up against another mountain of pillows.

            Rose and Kanaya, in turn, flipped him double birds.

            Jake and Dirk were whispering to each other as they pointed between the movies that Karkat and John had narrowed down to. It’d been an agreement that these few would be put to vote by the group, and they’d watch them from there. Calliope was cuddled up under a fluffy pink blanket, which matched her white nighty quite adorably. Roxy was pestering Jane for more cookies, which Jane was trying to figure if they had any left or should make fresh, while Terezi had already seemingly passed out on the far end of the blanket mess. She was cuddling one of the dragon toys they’d managed to save from the meteor. In fact, she was surrounded by several of these guys and even her blanket of choice had imprints of her lusus on it.

            In the end, the group had voted to watch _Back to the Future_ first, mutch to the grumbling of Karkat because _Quadrant_ things but everyone enjoys it anyway. Dave interrupts as much as John and Karkat do during it, though, because “dudes that’s NOT how time travel works.” They all get shushed plenty.

            The next one was a troll classic, _Aldian and the Lamp_ , the story of a street rat goldblood who uses a magical lamp to disguise himself as a blueblood elite to win the hand of the princess of the kingdom. It was a lot like the human’s story of _Aladdin_ but with more troll politics and Karkat crying because the love songs were so beautiful. By the end, Roxy is snoring and Calliope is blinking very hard to stay awake. Jake’s head is somewhere in the folds of Dirk’s orange hoodie. Jane is officially in a food coma after she made two dozen cookies for the movies and ate half on her own.

            Nobody feels like voting, so John just grabs the nearest disk with his wind powers and pops it in. It’s the first _National Treasure_ movie, which swiftly puts Kanaya and Karkat to sleep with Calliope because none of them ever knew “American” history. Dirk also went down by the end because he was so gawddamn tired, and Jake was warm.

            A little after one AM, Jacob got up to use the restroom and decided to detour downstairs to ckeck on the kids. The end of the _Avengers,_ staring Troll star Robert Downey Junior and Chriss Evvans as well as human talents like Chris Hemsworth and Scarlett Johanson, was playing even as all the kids were out cold.

            Using his long-hones skills as a dad, he easily and swiftly maneuvered around them, grabbing glasses off of no less than three faces to set on the stand by the door as well as tuck in a little cherub who’s blanket had begun to slide and hand a fallen dragon back to a blind girl. He readjusted some pillows and got a “thanks dad” a few times in mumbled tones. He smiled to himself as he set the last of the lose glasses by the door.

            He was just about to leave when he saw a harmless marker sitting in the ajar drawer of the table by the door. Looking between it and the kids, he couldn’t help but let the small troll-ish part of himself act up. 

* * *

 

            The next morning, Jacob watched as chaos erupted from the living room, kids all waking up with doodles all over their faces. Jacob was a grown man, though, so he’d absconded from the dick doodles for things like cat whiskers, swirls, black eyes, etc. People were waking up others just to find the culprit, but it was when they began piling into the kitchen to find something to get off the marker they spotted the man, sipping his coffee and reading the paper with a grin on his face.

            “Fun night, kiddos?”

            Jane groaned, burying her poke doted face in her hands. “WORST.”

            Meanwhile, John was snickering, slightly proud of his alternate-reality son. After all, he’d been planning a prank before Jane (accidentally) used his whipped cream on the ice cream sundaes. He’d not thought ahead to other pranks, so he guessed it would be a normal, prank-free night.

            Then again, this was a godly sleepover.

            So the kids balked, laughed, and scrubbed off magic marker as the Crockers pulled out pancake mix for all but John, who raided the fruit bowl and toast at the very mention of “cake” (that boy SERIOUSLY hated cake). It was a great end to a great night, and, even as they all had to return to their duties, they had a blast getting to be kids again.

            In fact… “We should do this again soon! Maybe at our place?” Jade threw into the breakfast crowd.

            Terezi took the planning lead, arguments about movies and video games broke out, someone bemoaned a busted nail, and a few neighbors looked in at the ruckus at the normally quiet Crocker residence.

            Jacob Egbert-Crocker sipped his coffee, never wanting it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> Karkat fucking called that nail war paint he was ready for the all-out pillow war. Also, nail art is fro EVERYONE :D
> 
> If anyone is curious, both National Treasure and Back to the Future are from John's pre-scratch home movie collection. National Treasure because Nick Cage and BftF because that is one of my personal fav movies. Aldian and the Lamp is, as stated, troll Aladdin. The last one, Avengers, was made on Earth C :D The cast is a mix of the amazing stars from Troll, human, chess, and lizard societies (I keep telling myself not to cast a Salamander as Nick Fury but COME ON GUYS IT WOULD BE FAB).
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed! Thanks for ~~playing~~ reading!


End file.
